Home gay

Rubbish. I hate coming home from well good holidays. I should be
touching down in about two hours in rainy old blighty. I'm assuming it
will be raining, it is august bank holiday after all.
The flight home has been somewhat better than the one out. I had a tv
and I'm not freezing cold so that's already a million times better.
So for the past few days I've just been mincing about during the day
and mainly hanging out with Abbie in the evenings, with a hint of Tami
and ewan thrown in too. Lovely.
I went to a jam starting at Hastings yesterday which was pretty well
attended. It was like an all day street jam thing but I had to get off
early to sort my shit out.
Popped in to 3ride the other day too and caught up with sam lowe and
got a lift downtown with him and kym grosser who also works there. His
tired old truck konked out on the way over a single carriage way road
bridge in rush hour, with the sound of engine parts tinkling off down
the road behind us. Me and kym tried to push this thing, but the
bridge goes up hill before it goes down, and we weren't exactly near
the top. Still I'm sure it looked funny to the oncoming traffic, maybe
not so funny to all those commuters stuck behind in gridlock. The
people following us were nice enough to shove us over the crest with
their car. Thanks general public.
I've decided that no knee pads are a bad idea after my last Hastings
mishap. If the grazes weren't bad enough they are so bruised I can't
even kneel down. This meant that when I was packing my bag I had to
just sit on the floor and shuffle around on my bum. Abs told me that
chicks dig scars though, which I suppose is a slight bonus. I'm not
sure if chicks dig gooey sore looking wounds though.
Anyway i'm about to get my land on so I need to turn This phone
contraption off. In a bit yeah?

Ode to Hastings, my cruel lover.

Oh Hastings bowl, my beautiful yet violent mistress. You tempt me with
your flowing lines and curvaceous figure, beckoning me to use you as I
wish to my hearts content. What have I done to hurt you my sweet lady,
have I not been respectful in every way? Have I grinded your coping or
chipped your concrete? I think not. So why tease me in to riding
faster and smoother and higher, only to change form beneath me,
causing me to come crashing down on to my delicate body?
You are like a siren to the sailors of old. I know you have played
this trick on many a man before, and many more will follow. Like them,
I will return time and again, aware of your plans but uncaring. I am
under your spell.

Camp as a row of tents

I'm on the ferry back from an aweome few days on the island spent with
Morgan and amber.
We took a trip over to hornby island, a small hippy hang out, to just
relax and have a good time. The journey there was pretty cool, we went
through Duncan 'city of rotems' rather aptly name because I have a
very intricately carved and decorated penis. Then we slipped through
fanny bay which you can get oysters in.
Upon arriving to hornby we put our tents up in gale force 9 winds,
drank some booze and went to a party. We decided to walk back from
said party after we were done, which was a long one so it turned out.
About 6.5km apartently. On this epic trek home I did what any other
drunkard with an iPhone should do and dropped it flat on the road
smashing the screen. I saw it as my duty.
So to cut a long story short we did some kayaking, saw millions of
shooting stars, drank a lot of booze, played some fun games, poked
many a dead jellyfish, got rad on the skim boards, arrfagged, ate
jellybeans, found rocks which resemble a fanny and bum hole, said ooh
fuhck a lot, bullied amber, enjoyed ambers dance which she kindly
named after me, and just generally had a fun time.
Morgans parents were in a cabin so when they left after a day or so we
used that for cooking and showering. Sweet deals.
On the way home we stopped in at ambers sisters place and I met
charlie her hairless cat (no pun intended) who was well funny. He
looks really annoyed all the time because of his little wrinkly head.
So now I'm on my way back to Vancouver to hang out with my cousin
again and Abbie where there is never a dull moment, do some riding and
to do whatever comes along for the last few days of my trip.
I'm seriously considering moving here. No joke of a lie.

Mores

I forgot to mention the scorching weather and a truck that looked like
a transformer eh?

Welcome to my velvet crease

Right off to hornby! I got the ferry to the island a couple of days
ago which is always a good trip. I was doing some hang nothings in the
carpark while I was waiting and went ass over tit which was not good
for the knees.
Met up with Morgan and amber which was pretty brilliant, amber works
in an adult shop so we played with plastic dicks then went for beers.
I rode at vicwest yesterday with Morgan and fell on to my other knee
immediately after arriving thanks to the dusty concrete but other than
that it was a good ride.
So now we are just leaving to catch the ferry and drive in to the
middle of nowhere. This is where I shall hunt and execute a medium
sized bear.
Expect nothing for a few days.
Taraaa!

You cand put a dick in a dick

Vancouver is like well good!
Went back to kirkstosne park for a bloody good ride and met up with my
old friend ewan. He's a ledge. He's got a motorbike and brings his bmx
with him strapped to his backpack. Ingenious!
We went to the cambie, my old local and got drunk In The face, such
good memories from there. No sign of tree or a poll man as yet though.
I did just see a roller-tramp though which brought a smile to my
weather beaten old face.
I took a pedal round the seawall yesterday with Abbie, my awesome ozzy
friend and went the wrong way round the one way bit, because basically
we are rebels and were sticking it to the man.
Today I'm getting a ferry to Vancouver island to see Morgan and amber
which will be super amazig cos they are brilliant people, then going
camping in the middle of nowhere for a few days. I plan to stalk a
Medium sized bear and take it down with my bare hands. I will then
skin it and proudly wear it's pelt as a badge of honour. I'll let you
know how I get on with that. That's it for now. Fags and coffee give
me mad shakes!

Wizzler

I just posted the last thing a bit late. I actually wrote it on the
plane but haven't had internettles till now. So anyway I just got back
from crankworks in whistler, which is a mtb slopestyle and downhill
event. It was pretty cool, lots of mtbs doing bmx stunts, but still
well gnar.
I met my cousin and his mrs at the airport after that god awful flight
and went pretty much straight there. We met up with a couple if his
friends and had a good time. We played megaquiz and I was awake for 24
hours, but still managed to surprise Neil (cousin) with my knowledge
of grecco roman wrestling.
Today I plan to build my bike, go ride concrete and try to meet up
with my homeslices.
Toodles!

Stupid boring fucking plane wank

I'm sat here, on my airbus a330 wondering whether I'm bored enough yet
to return to that copy of nuts and actually read some of it, like the
football stuff that just gets skipped.
I got a seat change just before boarding which was fine by me cos I'm
not fussed really where I sit, or so I thought. I'm now middle seat,
middle row, with some kind of wall in front of me with clouds painted
on it.
On top Of that my tv doesn't work, and I've read my backup material
(the sun). I resisted going for a wee because i was saving it for
somethig to do when things got really bad, well I guess they did.
So to sum up I have nothing to read, nothing to watch, and I'm staring
at a wall.
Oh and I left my jumper at home and it's cold in here and there's no
blankies left. Aids.
Ok, plus points. I have plenty of leg room, I just got given a mini
cornetto, and the chap next to me said "ooh la la" when he saw some
boobies in nuts.
There appears to be something going on outside, like scenery, but I
don't like to clamour round small windows with the riff raff, I'll
just sit here and listen to skid row for the next 5 hours.

I am literally going to Vancouver

Yeah mayng! No sleep till whistler! I'm going to some mtb event today
with my cuz, sounds pretty crazy, I'll say hi to lance macdermott for
y'all! Expect no updates. Bye!